I'm just Rytha(:

a monster that make boys cry

Friday, April 27, 2012 1:22 AM

You think after giving me all those pain, hurt, anger and tears, and that fucked up sarcastic attitude, saying "I love you" is very believable? You made me sacrifice my studies unwillingly. You weren't there to hold me as I limped my way from place to place. You acted like an ass, trying to be some sarcastic piece of shit. If you hate me so much to give me all these crap you might as well break up with me right now. When your ex was such a bitch to you, you still treated her like a fucking princess without hesitation. Now every small little thing I say or do, you come and give me your shit attitude, finding faults with me. Couldn't you just stop when I'm upset and try to cheer me up? It's not that you don't know how, but you NEVER do it anymore. It's like you prioritise your ego above my emotions. I keep telling you to stop the fight when it seems like its going to happen, but NO, you just continue it. Only when I'm in tears do you stop and say that you're comforting me. I will definitely pull away, because you cause me all that hurt and you expect me to be comforted by you? It's a little stupid isn't it? Let a girl cry for you, not because of you. You keep putting your feelings above mine, maybe I shall do it too and see how it feels for you. Let me hurt you and then say I love you. If you love me, you would stop all these bullshit for me, not you. That's selfish. I sacrificed plenty for you, because you have nothing to sacrifice. I tried making everything better, while you tried to make everything worse. I will stop giving, and see when you'll stop receiving.

Thursday, April 19, 2012 1:10 AM

I just don't want us to fight anymore. I hate us fighting. I hate all these insecurities. I hate all this distrust. I hate the fact that I cry every night even with or without you.I love you. My anger has always been something I can't control. And neither can you. I hate it when you scream at me. I hate it when you say that I don't love you anymore. That I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't talk because I fear what is coming out of my mouth would be too harsh for you and may hurt you more than what I am hurting now. I rather keep quiet and let you scold me while at least you won't feel all that pain which I keep in. I don't care about your insecurities because it's your ex that you don't trust, not me. So don't treat me like her. While I try to pour my heart and soul to make you feel happy and hope that I'm being the best girlfriend you can ever have, getting all this pain gets me nowhere. Hurt is all that is slamming right into my face, and it's scarring me in every way possible. My emotions are raging fire. Uncontrollable. Easily ignited. And hard to put out. My heart burns easily every time I hear something that you hate about me. My heart breaks, shatters, then forms back and shatters again. The pain felt is becoming physical. I ask myself why I keep the thing which is hurting me most so close to my heart, and find out that it's the only thing keeping me alive. So much time spent together. And I want none of it to go to waste. I never want US to end. I don't want to keep this war going on between us. I don't want you to say that I don't make you feel important when I rushed down from school just to take care of you for as long as I could. To buy you gifts and make you lunch. To feed you. To wash your dishes when you were sick. To buy you clothes and gave you every right to step into my very room with no hesitation. To show you everything I am. Inside out. I only ask to be in your arms, to feel your warmth, to feel appreciated by you. To hear those random sweet words. To know that you will be here for my thick and thin as I have been there for yours. Your physical pain, mental pain, emotional pain. I surely wasn't always there but I always tried my best. I just need you to be there when I needed you. Because every night, I need you to put me to bed. Because I'm scared, the next morning when I wake, you'll be gone and I'll be alone. Crying won't help because I'm already crying everyday. I'll look pretty for you if I have to. Lose all the fats in my body and put braces for you if I had to. I'd lose a limb or an organ for you if I had to. I just want you to be all mine. Just without the complaining, the anger, the hatred. I just wanted the understanding. The power to say "it's alright. I understand". There is no need for a "what's wrong". Because I just need him to know that asking questions isn't that useful. Forgiving and forgetting seems like the hardest thinkng for him, and that's all I wanted. To forgive and forget. That's all I ask. I bought him something he'll like a lot. I just hope I didn't make a wrong decision.

Monday, August 15, 2011 1:49 PM

If you love me, show me. Words don't count when your actions mean show much more.

Don't hug me, don't even touch me, when your eyes are on someone else.

How would feel if I talked about all the hot, smart and nice guys when you're around? When I start eyeing them as they walked by? Would you ever have liked it.

I'm not only sensitive, I'm just thinking all the time if you really love me. Because people do crazy things when they're in love. You're not doing anything at all. You broke all your promises. You didn't mean what you say. When we confronted, instead of hugging me, you just sat down and did nothing. You kept thinking of yourself. You didn't think of me. Or us. Every time I'd end up in your class. Do you actually think before you ask me to do things? Do girls go or boys go? Who's making the effort now? Who's waiting for you after IG? Who's making time for who? Who's the one which doesn't come up with so many reasons? Who's the one who doesn't want to go the extra mile?

I try my best to surprise you. I want you to be happy with the random acts of hugs and kisses. But you don't know what to do. When you're around you just stone. I want a surprise, just one small one.

You already ruined my birthday, everyday I go to your class I also get angry. It's very hard to take all these pain. I've suffered enough in the first relationship, more than enough within the time that we were separated, and now I'm still hurting. People think I'm stupid getting back with you. Don't make me support them and call myself a stupid person.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME, AND THEN TELL ME YOU'LL LEAVE ME SOMEDAY?

Thursday, July 14, 2011 2:04 PM

To: Dr Janice Khoo
From: Rytha Lew Chiu Min

Sports and Exercise Sciences
Date: 14 Jul 2011
Subject: Banning of social networks

Dear Dr Khoo,

I am Rytha Lew from class E25P,and I have written this letter to address the banning of social networks. As a student of the School of Sports, Health and Leisure(SHL), I myself am affected by this and I feel that it should be not implemented. Why the need to ban social networks such as facebook or twitter, when it has never affected any students in their work or even their attitudes.

To a student’s point of view, if the banning of social networks were to be implemented, will be a drastic move to all of us. We assume that the reasons that caused you to actually initiate the banning of social networks was because that you feel that it is a distraction to the students, which is your most worrying factor. However, other factors considered would also be the shortening of our attention spans, or weakening of our immune system. This however, only happens to students whom are in active, and I believe that very few of these students would be present, especially as we belong to SHL.

The effects of banning social networks would be drastic, as many students do actually rely on these social networks for communication purposes and also a source of primary information. If students were not allowed into their social networks, they would definitely be enraged and affected. Many of them rely on social networks to communicate and to solve their daily problems in their problem based learning(PBL), which we need to do every day. This will cause us to do worse for our daily problems, and it will cause us to get lower grades. This will cause many students to be affected and they would rather stay at home than to come to school, knowing that they will not do well with the limited resources that we are given.

Social networks such as facebook, twitter, and also msn are great resources for students, and even staff, as it is easier to communicate and also to pass out information. It gives them a platform to speak their minds, and also hear and be heard from different people, such as those from other students in other schools. It opens a platform for everyone from every place to do speak up about the problems which we face during our PBL. I am very sure that many students will agree with me on this, because we all do use social networking for daily purposes.

As students, we are just mere voices within the school. What we can do would be to give suggestions on how the administrative board can work on the implementation of banning social networks. What we can suggest would be that you do not ban our usage of social networking, but deny it’s access during the 3^rd meeting, as it is the most important part of the day. Speed and time is of the essence, and I am sure that the facilitators and staff of our school would agree with me as well. It is much easier to ask a friend whom is in another block within seconds on social networking rather than walking all the way and using up our precious time.

I do hope that you do understand our point of view, and that you do get back to me about the banning of social networks. Please do think twice because this is something of very high importance to all students of the school. Please do contact me back at 113848@myrp.edu.sg.

Yours Faithfully,

Rytha Lew Chiu Min(representing class E25P ’11)

113848

Sports and Exercise Sciences

School of Sports, Health and Leisure

Tuesday, May 31, 2011 11:57 PM

When will you ever have time. When will you ever have proper time management. Obviously I asked you to go out with me on friday because we can spend the most time on that day. I repeat time and time again that I have trainings on mondays and wednesdays, and I coach on saturdays and sundays. I work on tuesdays also. I thought I made it really damn clear.

You always don't talk to me first, and I always have to start the conversation. Okay, most of the time. And you always talk half way and run away. How the heck am I supposed to have a proper conversation with you. I'm taking away a lot of things to spend time with you, and I don't see you giving back the same effort.

If you're busy doing work, I'll understand. But when you tell me you're doing work, and you're all over the place instead, of course I'm pissed. When I talk to you, I want to know whether you're really there talking to me. I see you giving heart shapes to other girls, and I'm pissed. I know I'm a little insane to follow you through your whole twitter, but isn't that what twitter is about? I tell you not to say vulgarities, and you go on and on and on and on with them, like it's not bothering me one bit. When you smoke, and you know I'm going to find out, or you're lying to me about it, which you have done every time, you're going to hell one step on and on. And with all that you're pushing me with, it's really Fucked up. Seriously. I'm at my edge already.

The only one big thing that I asked you to do was give up on smoking. I know it's hard, but why can't you just make the effort for me. Is it so hard just to please me just this little bit.

You talk to her, I just let it be. I don't even wanna know what you talk to her about. But it bothers me, but I don't want my bothering to bother you.

When you didn't have me, you were chasing me like nobody's business. Now that you have me, I feel like I'm taken for granted. You're not appreciating the fact that I'm around. You can't even come up with some proper common sense.

I wanna say everything good about you, which I have been, for a while. But after all this crap coming, how can I? How can I hide the fact that I'm unhappy with you? You're just not making the effort. I don't give a shit if you don't have any money, or if you have limited time. But can you just make the best out of it? I'm going my all out for it and you're actually standing there and waiting for that magic trick to come out of my hands? Come on, I went into this because I wanted to do this whole thing with you. It's one sided now. You're on your side, and I'm on my side. Decide when you wanna join sides, then tell me. Because I don't wanna drag a 2 person boat by myself, even when I know I can.

I need you there. I need your support. I need someone. I'm lonely. I'm emotionally unstable. I'm cranky. I'm crazy. Over you. Stop pushing me on the edge. I'm on my own borderline. I'm working, studying, training, coaching, and going mad internally. I look normal, seem normal, sound normal, and make everyone think I'm normal. Everyone's wrong.

You don't even tell me you love me anymore.

Monday, April 25, 2011 4:52 PM

Happiness. and Joy.

Strength.

Sadness.

Anger.

When I first came into Republic, I thought. It would be like secondary school. I would just be my normal me, not close to anyone, but a friend to everyone. Then first came the FOP. Fun, too much fun. So close to my mates, and putting our everything into it for the people who put the best in us. Then it followed to the clique. Friends, so close, so friendly, so...talkable. What am I to say? It was a blast knowing them. Happiness flowed into me, I might just stick to them forever in poly. Why not? Again, it felt so right. So what am I supposed to do but just stay and enjoy. So much happiness flowing.

With them around, I felt strong. I had people around me, who cared for me, and I acted like such a big sister. I took care of them, in a way or another. I set my mind to always make sure they were safe. I felt POWERFUL. I felt strength being put into my hands. I took things a little too far though. Maybe just a little too far. To even Bukit Batok.

Then why sadness had to come, I don't understand. We started fighting. More people got hurt. I was hurt. I got things I wasn't supposed to get. I'm a person who just lets this move on. However, she took over and started to clear things up. And this was something I couldn't do ever for myself. Maybe that's the reason nobody actually stays around me. I could clear other's problems, but not my own. And this came in, and I was left dumbfounded. I started to keep quiet, because it seemed meaningless for me to say anything. I would either hurt someone else, or do something stupid. And I swore to just stand by her and do nothing but protect her, and hopefully them as well. She's taking it harder than me, and I know how it hurts, and I don't want her to suffer, especially because of them. It has become pain, even before the suffering start.

Anger. They didn't bother. Why don't you ever bother. You try to help her, but now you cut everything off from me. What is this? What has this clique become? It became a debate team, with oppositions and neutrals. What to do now, you tell me. We try our best to do what we can to keep this together, yet the few of you are taking it apart with your bullshit and also your will to do nothing more than you are now. What are you doing? Being the momma's boy. Not trying to even fight for your right to spend time with us. I was on the verge of saying, are you seriously a man? It's okay to me, but what for the rest of us. And what's more. See her anger. I want to protect her, and yet I can't stop you from hurting her. Because she cares about you. And I do too. But what you're doing is just absolutely bullshit. People want to help you, and you just do this and that that piss us all off. At most times I'm so close to opening my mouth to scold you until you start crying. But what will that help? I will just loose a friend, and more problems will be created. So I keep myself shut. Until you're willing to say sorry. So you better do. I care, if not I wouldn't even be bothered and just leave. And I really want to protect her. So just please do what you need to do, as a man. Clear things out, and apologise.

My emotions will take the better of me. So control me.

Friday, April 22, 2011 11:35 PM

Happy you can say? I guess that's true. After going through Republic Poly's Freshmen Orientation Programme, I felt so much more livelier. I can't live without my batch of friends. I guess I'm starting to rely on people too much. My guard is being let down, my emotions are flowing sky high and I don't know how to control myself. Maybe I should take another few more protein balls and just run rounds around the school. I had so much fun, made so many friends and just rocked the world.

I have nothing much to say except that I really just enjoyed myself too much during my first few weeks in Republic Poly. I am now officially a Republican. And I am rocking it.

Tomorrow is 3 star assessment. How do I feel? Let's just put it. I feel like I'm not prepared again. To face the sea. To do my skills which I failed. To be taken under Calvin. I AM SCARED. And what am I going to do? I'm just going to stand tall and do the best I can. And mug the shit out of the stupid orange book.

AND I BETTER PASS.

clique: I love you guys. So please don't misunderstand me.

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