Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve Sucks?
Can I just say that christmas eve sucks a big time, even though it's a good day? I hate it to the core. Especially with my family. I hate spending time with them. I shall list out why...
1. My asshole brother is saying stuff about me, making me damn angry, and just because my brother is an asshole monk, everybody must give way. Assholes. Damn idiotic. And it's not like no one gets hurt emotionally.
2. My sis acts like she's some queen. She needs all the attention. Like "Oh, I'm the oldest. So I must get all the damn bloody respect around. I get to be extra to my siblings." Shitty.
3. My parents think it's so bloody easy just to take all the bullshit from my siblings. Think it's so easy to live with it for the rest of my life? Think again.
4. Damn bloody ass father. So what if you're angry? Don't you think I'm angry too? I don't stay around because you'll scold me, and I'll still get scolded because I'm not around. Damn bloody give me some respect. I'm trying my best and you still think I'm not reaching expectations. Bloody, give me some time. I'm the bloody child you always scold for the tiniest thing ever. Shitty.
5. Hate the stress, pain, anger, and shit given by the family. Wish to escape the house whenever possible. Then hate the fact that I can't get out of the house. Even going out with friends is so bloody hard.
6. Still suffering from the damn depression some guy sent to me by making me feel so damn broken-hearted. So I can't even concentrate on my work, gaining weight is a everyday thing, and it's damn bloody obvious and I feel that I'm not being fair to Dickson because of this. Hate all this bullshit, seriously. But who really cares? Only those smart enough to see. So I'm standing alone is this, I guess.
7. Can't really say I hate this, but I just hate the fact, I guess. My boyfriend is like a noob in a relationship, but I shan't ask for much, since I agreed and this is his first relationship. So I'll just take it slow.
8. Hate the fact that my sis keeps calling me a hostess for wearing a mini skirt while she jumps around in short skirts and pants every day of her life. Bitch.
The good news comes now...
1. I super uber love the earphones my aunt, grandfather and grandmother gave me. Will love it a lot.
2. Finally got a proper school bag(:
3. Got a new pencil case.
4. Going out to find people to celebrate christmas tomorrow, just to make myself happy(:
That's about it, I guess. Hope it'll be a better day tomorrow. Hate to stay home.
Anyway... MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE^^
11:53 PM
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Thursday, December 17, 2009
An Apology Letter
This is to all those people out there whom I'm venting my anger on. I'm sorry, if I made you feel unhappy or anything, but I just want you to know that I'm emotionally still unstable now after a recent accident of mine. I still am the same happy laughing girl who goes around smiling, but now I'm hiding a face which is still crying on the inside. Those who know about it, please don't probe. Does who don't, I suggest you stay away from me until next year. Then I'll be able to hide fully. For people like Dave, thanks for being there for me when I needed you. And for Justin, Yee Seng, and the rest of the friends, I thank you for being there just for me. It's really nice to have such good friends. Zheng Hong, my son, I have to thank you for making me laugh a lot. And some credit also goes to Arnol. I love all you Maris people. If I'm acting up again or getting angry at you quickly, please stop me ok? Don't hesitate to stop me. Please and Thank you(:
6:19 PM
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Thursday, November 19, 2009
This is for the guy which I can't stop thinking about
I'm damn obsessed now..... WHAT SHOULD I DO??? And I can't bear waiting for so long. I'm hurting inside real bad right now..........What should I do now? I've fallen in love with Jevons that it actually hurts to see that he doesn't talk to me much or hasn't even asked me the question. I really enjoyed the chalet a lot and I really enjoyed my time with you a lot, but I didn't succeed in what I was hoping for. I just wish you wouldn't have to drag this so long. Justin was by my side trying to help you get over all this confusion, but it seems like it didn't work and is also making me confused as well. I just want this pain to somehow stop, and that I could just spend time with you like during the chalet. And that I could hold your hand and walk around freely and to kiss anywhere we wanted to, not just under the blanket. I want these moments to rerun, except that the question would just pop out and it would be the end of all this confusion. I just want a clear confirmation. Because I've fallen in love with you and I can't stop thinking about you. I sound really desperate, and I am, but I just can't help it because this is how I feel about you. If you feel uncomfortable with it, you could always say so and I'll back off. All I just want is that you would be comfortable with what you are now and that I do not want to be a burden to you....thanks to justin, I managed to get this close. I just want to go a little more closer.
1:18 PM
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Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Words of advice
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME. I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HOW YOU BITCH ABOUT ME. I'M NOT AFFECTED, NEITHER IS ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT YOU. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M A SLUT OF ANY KIND, BUT WHO REALLY CARES. I'M JUST AN AVERAGE GIRL, SO WHY CAN'T GUYS JUST LIKE ME? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS FEELS INSECURE ABOUT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING YOURSELF. FOR ONCE, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. DON'T BE AN IDIOT ANYMORE.
9:01 PM
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Sunday, November 1, 2009
You should at least know it hurts
I know some people, after reading this post, is going to say, "haha, serves you right" or "I already told you" or "there it goes again". Well, say all you want. You people know that everybody will get upset some time.
Please, only the one who's suppose to read this, please read it. You know who you are.
I wrote those things on my pm, thinking that you would at least know how I feel. I say I want to make myself happy, it's because I don't want to be dragged down by you. I know you feel upset too, but don't you think I'm also really upset because of you? I smsed you on your birthday, at least hoping for a reply. Or even a call from a pay phone or something. I hated the feeling when you don't want to talk to me or you just run away without telling me everything. And I really hated it when you lied to me. I don't want you to be pulled down by your parents all the time. You don't even dare to talk to me online. You don't even say good morning or anything. You just scold me upfront. Do you think I wanted all this? The moment you look at me, your face just turns black. You know that I love you. Yet you don't even dare to say you love me. I don't know whether if you're with another girl or what, but you don't know how much it hurts when you don't even sms me for the past week. Or even talk to me online. Everyone knows who you are to me. You might not trust them, but you should at least know that they've been there for you all these time. You just don't bloody care.You don't care if I cried because you called me a bitch. You don't care if I cried because you just said sorry and I had to forgive you because you are you. You don't care if I hated the fact that your parents hold me back from being with you. So what do you care about? You care about yourself. Only you. And your so called future. For yourself. I just want my future to be at least about you, or at least with other people. Why can't you at least do just that? You would give me up for your future, and you would give me up just for the sake of keeping your parents happy. I have been giving and giving in this relationship, so why can't you just do the same? For God's sake, I don't even get to talk to you face to face. So why can't you just be a man and just do something about it? I don't want to keep on getting hurt. I've gotten so used to it that I cry 4 times more than I ever did in my whole life. I just want you to love me, and prove to everyone that you love me. For once, make the effort. You don't even make the effort to get away from your parents just to be with me. Please, just do it for my sake. You used to do it, so why can't you do it now? You used to say "I love you", why can't you do it now?Just do it once more for me. It won't cost you anything.
Well, kayaking was so bloody fun with the twins, ginseng, shit, Sam, Justinki, and the handsome medic. Going to hold a bowling one soon. Call all to join. Best fun we'll ever have. Oh, and by the way, my camera is dead gone and never coming back, so let's pray it'll go to heaven and all the pictures we took be stuck in our memories forever(:
11:24 PM
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9:57 AM
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Saturday, September 12, 2009
Sorry guys for such a late posting. Was too tired and too bored to update my blog. Well, the sad days are now supposedly gone, but I'm now stuck at home to allow my friend to pass her exam. Ask me personally if you want to know why I'm grounded until so badly. If you want to know the obvious truth, just look at it on my head. Anyways, the previous post IS the previous post. I've gotten over it, so don't worry, I'll just be the happy, irritating girl I used to be. Moreover, I'll be studying, which is OMG something you won't see every day? Anyways, I've cleared up my stuff. After this short short holiday, I want to get better results(hopefully...). Then most likely going to take up dancing at Lina's church. Not, counting last week and this week. Going to take some time to rest now and then, and get some stuff done.
Hopefully you'll quit smoking. I hate smokers, I told you, and I'm being really really lenient already. One stick a day, maximum. No more. Hopefully less.
2:03 PM
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